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Life is never enough - it's all you get

Don't worry, dear, it's only light!

12/2/09 06:15 am - Love songs playing in the restaurants. Airports playing Brian Eno!

Apologies that I haven't posted here for a while, there's been too many things going on. Love affairs, a brand new laptop and it's hard to talk about what has gone on in the last two and half weeks when you're extremely tired. Facebook solves these problems. In anyway, it's going to be a harsh month for me a) starting at six in the morning for work is not going to improve my mood. And b) things just seem a complete mess for me at the moment.

Since last week I felt horrible. Working 50 hours plus and everything else left me feeling really disorientated. When I get home, the one thing I want to do is either go to bed or go on the Toshiba laptop that I bought about a month and a half ago. If there's one thing it has done, it's the feeling that I can almost say that I've got peace of mind from it. No problems of waiting turns or shit like that.

In almost less than a month I'll be off for the new year on a double trip. I'm going to take the flight to Norway to Sandefjord and then the next day go to Lodz in Poland to meet up again with my girlfriend. It's been a rollercoaster ride these last few months and even before then in general. I don't know how we changed from good friends to lovers but it's something I couldn't do without. If it wasn't for the amount of work and the distance between us, I'm very happy. What more could anyone want? Well apart from the closing of the distance.

I want to bypass Christmas altogether. Let's go straight into the new year.

9/19/09 01:40 pm

Well this last week has seen me get sick for some reason or another. My stomach seems to be in tatters and I don't know what I can do to stop it. I thought it was getting better but obviously it hasn't. I really can't understand it.

6/30/09 10:08 am

Paris is so bloody hot. The showers are a nightmare at times! I wonder how much weight I've lost because it's impossible to eat here almost at anytime.

As I write this I'm irritated by the hiccups I have.

6/16/09 04:26 pm - Tragedy, luxury, statues, parks and galleries.

Well in 9 days time I'll be going to Paris for the third time in 12 months. I know I'll like it because it's Paris and having the sense of freedom and knowing that there will be things in Paris that will interest me. Plus there's the Depeche Mode gig to go to. So obviously that will be good.

Next month I have a week in Poland to look forward to. I'm pretty sure it's going to be good. I'm already excited about that due to Castle Party there but in a sense, that's the not really the reason being there. In a way, it'll be nice just to get away from everything.

I'm also looking forward to the flight to Poland because it will be the first time I will fly with another airline other than Ryanair or Aerlingus. I'm going with Air Swiss. It will be nice for a change because with Ryanair flights, it's a depressing experience just going from flight to flight and being lumped with these extra charges either due to laziness or due to the fact that you have absolutely no idea where these extra charges coming from. It just makes the whole thing feel like a hassle. But the unofficial motto is "Put up and shut up" and that's what you do. The change here is that I'm asked what type of meal would I like with my flight. There's just no way that would happen at Ryanair.......unless you want to pay extra for it.

Here's to Air Swiss for trying to compete with Ryanair with some lovely ideas. And I get to stop off at Zurich. What's not to like?
 

6/6/09 09:28 am

Well it's finally over.......normality is starting to creep back in and no more going to internet cafes unless I have to book a holiday. It's been a long time really but I'm glad it's over now. It probably shows how little I have a life when I say I missed being able to talk to someone up until 1 or 2 in the morning. I still have to get a laptop for myself because I'm using my mam's ( the other PC just doesn't work ).

Does anyone still use Livejournal? I kinda feel like I'm the last of the users who still uses this site. Even when I haven't actively used it for something like 2 months now. It's not my fault really

5/9/09 09:25 pm

Since the renovation work has begun at my house I've barely had the time to say anything of note here. I don't know how long it will last. It's a bit depressing because I liked going on the computer a lot. Now I'm going to internet cafes just to keep track of things. Perhaps a bit too obsessively but what can I can do. Looking forward to a return to normality when it's all done and over with.

4/14/09 04:53 pm - I think the simplest explanation is that I had these experiences!

There are some things that freak you out. Some that I'm not going to go into over here because it would be pointless but some like on the weekend are just entirely baffling. Like a middle aged woman shimmying with her arms in the air and her cigarette in hand and singing something very faintly. It just seemed bizarre as she stopped me. I didn't know if she wanted a lighter or something like that. But she stared at me weirdly. I just walked off immediately because I didn't know what was going to happen next.

4/10/09 08:38 pm - Pursued by hatred and their misery

Finally the last two weeks are over. One mindfuck after another. A lot of 12 hour shifts, weekend work. My body feeling weary. Skipping dinners because I wasn't hungry. It just felt like a never ending punishment. This morning was horrible though. Waking up, I felt that my knees were quite sore. They were alright once I got back into the swing of things but I think to be on the safe side, I'm going to put a pillow under my knees just to keep them from being in unbearable pain. For the most part I'm going to take it easy. Just don't do anything too strenuous. I'll go for a swim but that will be about it really.

This weekend will be all about rest and relaxation. Because it feels like a long time since I've been able to do that properly. I've bought some CDs and DVDs to get me into the mood for that.

3/29/09 04:31 pm

I think I'm going to have to get a tooth taken out because I had a filling put in there a couple of years ago and now the other side of it is beginning to disintegrate. And this was an extensive filling so I just have this bad feeling that if that completely goes, the filling will collapse altogether.
Current Music: Wire - Crazy About Love

3/9/09 03:37 pm

I wish I could take more than just one day out of life.

3/3/09 06:57 pm - He walks as an empty tourist

Front 242 gig was awesome. My legs might still be a little sore from all that jumping around.
The old footwear manager is now in charge of clothing and so far, it feels slightly more comfortable, perhaps. The real change is that there is not much talk. Which has it's advantages.....but there's definitely no cliques.

I've been back from Poland about 5 days and already it feels like it's in the past. I don't understand how it goes just in a snap of a finger. I guess because I have a trip to Milan coming up, I'm trying to stave off any gloominess. That and Auschwitz is something you wouldn't want to dwell on too much. In some ways, I just wish I could be stuck in another country. I think I've got to go back to studying though. The more I think about it, the more I think it makes sense. But perhaps I should make more of an effort into doing something more.

Still, as long as I've got something to look forward to......even if it means nothing to anybody else. I've always got something to hang onto.

2/26/09 06:11 pm

Holidays are fun until you have to come back to reality.

2/12/09 03:57 pm

I wish I could do a disappearing act. Just like that. The one thing that I never fail to admire is someone who is able to just disappear off the radar and sort of live off in a bunker mentality. That would be awesome. No doubt about it.

2/9/09 09:42 pm

One of the guys in work has broken his arm one year on from when I fucked my wrist up. Considering this guy still has problems with his wrist, he could be out for about six months give or take. February might as well be called Casualty Month here where I work, it's that bad.

2/1/09 05:29 pm - Evacuees and refugees, presidents and monarchies

It's amazing sometimes the amount of shit I can write in this thing.
I haven't really done that much today, just slept and watched TV.......I guess there is the feeling that I'm going back to work now tomorrow which is depressing me at the moment.......but I can take solace from the fact that I'm on another holiday in another 2 and a half weeks from now. If anything it's reassuring. Is there ever such a thing as being a travel junkie? An aeroplane addict? There must be with the way I go on holidays. A total need to travel the world, that's my call in life. Not to go to bed with all these girls, not to go out drinking with mates, just........going to all these destinations - fashionable and unfashionable. Anywhere to get away from dreary Dublin.

1/31/09 10:04 pm - Timeless leaders standing tall

The flight home was nice.....even if there were some boisterous German schoolkids going on their first trip together. I slept for most of the flight like I usually do because I'm exhausted and I pick the worst flights to come back home from. It almost feels like drifting into space. My breakfast consisted of a bagel and coffee in Dublin at about half past 8 or something like that.  The one good thing about it being German schoolkids is that they don't have these unbearably deep serious accents and they sound like they're having fun. Even if they are screaming when the flight takes off or is preparing to land........it's still annoying but.......having watched German TV, I know it could be so much worse.

When I got home, I went straight to bed, it was just the right thing at the right time. I didn't do much yesterday, I didn't even unpack ( I still haven't ). I was amazed I slept 8 hours last night considering the amount of sleep I already had but I probably needed it. Getting the bus to the airport I just read 2 chapters of Philip K Dick's Dr. Bloodmoney to keep myself amused. I wasn't in the mood for sleeping just yet because then I'd have to wake up again. In those situations, a book can be useful if the book is visual enough. By that I mean that you can create your own little private cinema in your mind. If the book is just fancy words being wrapped around each other with no particular vision in mind, it's hard to get excited. But you might disagree.

I am looking forward though to the next holiday. I love going away, getting lost on new journeys because it's something that keeps me going. The fact that it can be done cheaply is a bonus. Well that is, when it's within Europe for me. Still.......here's a song that's close to my heart



1/29/09 02:36 pm - Shut up Marge and let's get down to some efficient German sex.

I really shouldn't have worried. Düsseldorf has absolutely nothing. I barely spent much. German TV infuriates me. Here I am in the model of efficiency. Efficient sentences. Short. Sharp. Concise. To the point. I think the German way of living is effecting the way I type. Ja scätzchen, ich liebe dich für nur ein mehr Tag. Listening to German's not quite the same as it used to be. I prefer French. It's more soothing. I'm actually looking forward to going home. Spend a few weeks working. Then I'll meet you in Poland, baby.

1/26/09 03:51 pm - The East is calling, and I'm feeling nervous.

So tomorrow I'll be in Dusseldorf. It's the first time I've actually been nervous about a holiday in a long time. I've barely got any money. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive and it really says something when I'm counting the cost of everything before I go. Doing some mental arithmetic in my head for the first time in a long time and see how I will survive. And this is the first of three journeys so I've just got to stay out of town for the majority of my time now for the next three months. God that's going to be hard. But then again, I might get used to staying in bed watching DVDs and reading books. Maybe I should've been doing that a lot more back then but I just wanted to be out of the house. Oh well, I'll see how things go. I'm bound to be short of money when I come back but I don't think I'll be buying anything extravagant. If I manage to watch a football game over there I'll be very happy.

I've decided I should pack a lot of books with me because I won't have an awful lot of money to do things and I'll just read and read and read. Have a walk around Dusseldorf or perhaps Dortmund on Wednesday but other than that just do not waste money unnecessarily. This is the first time I've gone into a holiday thinking that. It's really strange. Holidays are supposed to be carefree but not this time. If I manage to do this right I'll be laughing. And make sure I have enough money for the next couple of trips. Kraków and Milan. It seems weird to be going into the new year with so many holidays lined up. I even have Paris in lined up in June. It's a very weird set of circumstances for me. It might be good though that I'll be reading a few books. Despite my lack of interest in books, they can be useful.

1/13/09 05:13 pm - It's only an early morning dream and the whole world will be alright.

Today's just been weird. Being in the other warehouse with the usual guys but with some of the guys I left. At times my old job felt alien to me and at others it didn't. The time did some strange kind of warping too. It was almost disorientating at times. It was just totally weird. I don't know if I'm going to get my passport on time. I've to give the passport office a ring to tell them to make sure they make it quick so that I can go to Germany. If they can't make any promises then I will have to cancel some things. It would be a major pisser if that happened but ultimately I realize it would be my mistake in the first place.

Maybe when I go to sleep tonight, I will be alright.

1/12/09 07:27 pm

What is it about these Russian posters that  keep adding me these days? I don't speak the language.
Things are a bit fucked up at the moment. Trying to get a replacement passport because the other's been lost somewhere. And other things but I really don't want to get involved in talking about them. It's just too much worthless shit that's not worth wasting energy on. Still, life goes on and all that.
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